recently, and especially after watching grey's anatomy plus the book i'm reading. i start to wonder why did i give up on my childhood dream of being a doctor. i wanted to be a doctor till i was 12. then suddenly i wanted to be a lawyer. i know why i want to be a lawyer, and why i wanted to be a doctor. i just wonder what caused that change in me. and yet over the past 2 years, i took bio and chem, not humans. to keep my choices open. and now i'm in a position where i have the ability to go into medicine. and there are many things about medicine that make it very tempting. but i just don't know if i can deal with the life and issues that come with it. i could apply for nus med. but that would mean slashing all dreams of escaping overseas.

i never doubted that i wanted to be a lawyer. but now with my dad constantly questioning and doubting my ambition. telling me that if i do want to be a lawyer, why am i not constantly asking him questions about his cases. whether i have the ability to be an international lawyer. and all that is just causing my confidence to waver i suppose.

i'm not one to do things halfway or halfheartedly. if i go into law or medicine. i'm in it for life. and suddenly the path that i thought i had decided on a long time ago, doesn't seem so clear anymore.

i hate all this uncertainty.

i guess i'll leave it to my results to decide everything.

[edit] on another note. if i were to disappear one day. i wonder who will notice. if i were to be at my deathbead tmr, who would stand by it. and who would i want to see most then. [/edit]